Top Chef Texas: Back to San Antonio

Disclaimer: This is in no way, shape, or form a “serious” recap/review of Top Chef Texas. Instead, my self-imposed assignment is to bring to light how the State of Texas pissed away somewhat over $400,000 of taxpayer funds, with the City of San Antonio adding another six figure amount to the pot. If you are looking for “real” recaps of the show, I would suggest you check out Kate Shellnutt’s post on the subject over at’s Tubular blog, or – if you prefer your recaps on the spicy side, liberally seasoned with f-bombs – you can try Katharine Shillcutt’s recap over at Eating Our Words.

OK – I am not even going to screw around with this right now. I managed to get about 2/3 through this episode before I fell asleep (I’ll catch the rest of it later), but I can already tell you what it has to do with Texas.

Absolutely not-a-damned-thing. That’s what.

The QuickFire Challenge presented the chefts with a conundrum: a limited amount of time, and a conveyer belt off of which they had to select three ingredients. The longer they waited, the more desirable the ingredients became. Oh, and Eric Ripert was the special guest judge. The funniest part of this challenge was watching (Ugly) Chris Moto trying to catch up to that bowl of live lobsters as it kept disappearing into the back. The saddest part was seeing poor Beverly run out of time, leaving one of her ingredients off the dish; then, finding out that had she gotten it on the plate, she would have won. Lindsey ended up with the W, and also with Blessed Immunity for the upcoming Elimination Challenge.

For said Elimination Challenge, we are introduced to Charlize Theron – who is, in the words of Ms. Shilcutt,

… an actress from South Africa who lives in Los Angeles and is currently filming a shitty-looking Kristen Stewart movie set in England, so naturally she’s the best choice for this week’s episode of Top Chef: Texas.

That movie she’s in? Is being made by NBC/Universal Pictures, so obviously this is just another Obligatory Product Placement. The chefts are assigned the task of preparing a dish fit for “an evil queen”. They end up giving her some killer dishes, but unfortunately the only Texas tie-in is the winner, Paul Qui. The seemingly hapless Beverly is selected to be the recipient of the PPYKAG award. She ends up in the Last Chance Kitchen, where – *gasp* – she faces Nyesha with an ingredient representative of the Lone Star State. And, even better, it isn’t beef/goat/meat critter, but seafood from the Gulf! Head on over to the LCK to see the twist presented in this challenge, as well as finding out who the winner is.

In case you didn’t notice, there isn’t a whole lot of details about this episode. That is because there really wasn’t a whole lot of Texas in this episode. Seriously, they could have shot this one pretty much anywhere. For that, I am beginning (beginning?) to wonder if the taxpayers of the State of Texas are getting their money’s worth.

Next week: looks like more of the same. QuickFire Challenge, Elimination Challenge, Judges Table, PPYKAG… and not a whole lot of Texas.


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