Hi all! This week (as I mentioned on my MasterChef post), I found myself unable to keep up with live-Tweeting four hours of teevee over two nights. So, I have the Twitter commentary from Monday, along with a brief recap/commentary of Tuesday’s episode. Will I be able to keep up with even this abbreviated blogging schedule? Only time will tell, so enjoy it for as long as you can get it! And, with no further explanation, let’s get to it!
This week… in Hell’s Kitchen:
And now, for Tuesday’s episode:
To start with, Chef made the announcement, and put Danielle out of her misery, making her the latest in a string of contestants to take the Walk of the 86‘d. After returning to the dorms, we witness the Red Team splitting up into the alliances of One is made up of Kimmie, Tiffany, and Robyn vs. Christina, Dana, and Barbie, while on the Blue Team Patrick’s leadership is called into question – loudly – as Royce tries to stage a coup d’état.
The next morning, the remaining 13 contestants meet Chef in the kitchen, where he gives them (and us) a lesson food trends, from the Jell-O molds and TV dinners of the 1950s to fondue (1970s) and Asian fusion (1990s.) So, is he going to have a “worn-out foodie fads night?” Not quite: instead, he announces the First Ever Fashion Night at Hell’s Kitchen! Yea! Anyway, he brings out three big-name designers whose names I don’t recall ever hearing on Fashion Police, and they will be judging what the contestants will produce during the Challenge: a three-course tasting menu made up of one appetizer and two entrees – one poultry and one seafood. Cooking occurs, while homicide does not. At the end of the 30 minutes, the teams present their dishes for tasting and judgement.
Round one (appetizer): Red Team takes the point, as their crabmeat in mango broth is deemed better than Blue Team’s bean salad with lobster and foamy stuff. The judges specifically called out the foam for not being “visually appealing”, which shows they do have some taste.
Second round (poultry): Blue Team takes it, even though Patrick says something about using vinegar to “thin the mucus”. It seems this image beat out the use of zucchini fries by Tiffany, as deep-fried foods are declared “unhealthy”. Look at this, and tell me: Healthy, or not?
Last round (seafood): in the battle of swordfish vs. sea bass, it isn’t the lack of sustainability that decides the issue, but rather the lack of spice. Blue Team takes the point, giving them their first W in Challenge this season. Pandemonium ensues, and the men get to go out for fancy-schmancy meal and a shopping spree, while the women have to give the dining area a makeover, building a runway and several centerpieces.
While the men are enjoying themselves by downing glass after glass of expensive vino (so very, very much vino, one might think they were bloggers watching Real Housewives of Wherever), the women are blowing off steam by themselves by strutting down the newly-constructed runway, and blowing off something else by emitting gaseous emissions from various bodily orifices, which does not go unnoticed by the high-falutin fashion person assigned to monitor their transformation of the dining area. They are so very nekulturnyj, says the fashion person with his nose in the air. The air of cooperation and teamwork evaporates even further as Kimmie turns on Robyn for the lack of spice on her dish.
During Prep the next morning, Kimmie vs. Robyn takes another turn, as Kimmie get so mad at Robyn for how she spiced that damn fish that she has to leave the Kitchen in order to take out her frustrations on a punching bag, which just magically appeared outside. Because, going AWOL in a prep kitchen is a time-honored practice.
Meanwhile, Clemenza decides that he is in charge, and starts barking orders. Either that, or he decides he is a dog, and starts barking. One or the other.
Then, Chef appears, and gives them a pep talk. Without saying words like ****, ****, or especially ********. Not even once, I don’t think. He tells them of the timing: runway show, followed by appetizer, followed by something else fashiony, followed by entrees. He decides that these dishes must look perfect, so he taps Kimmie and Royce for the task of Plater-in-Chief, giving them their marching orders: “Don’t Screw Up!”
And with that, before the guests have even started to enter, Clemenza FIRES ALL THE SCALLOPS.
Oh dear! The rest of the Blue Team start looking worried, and Chef starts looking screamy. Will the guests be treated to an eruption of Mt. Ramsay? Will Clemenza be the First. Contestant. EVAH. to be 86′d before Service even starts? Tune in and find out, next time… in Hell’s Kitchen.
Hell’s Kitchen airs at 7PM Central Time on Mondays and Tuesday, on FOX.